How You See Yourself Versus How Others See You

We are always so worried about what others think of us, how they see us, how they feel about us when the only thing that really matters is:

A. how we see ourselves

and more importantly,

B. how our Creator sees us.

Who cares what others think? There will always be people in your life who will stifle your growth by telling you that something can not be accomplished- that you aren't pretty/handsome enough, talented enough, smart enough, or strong enough- but as long as you believe you are, that you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything.

First you have to cultivate those feelings of self worth, and know that with faith anything is possible, regardless of outer circumstances.  I remember a woman I used to work with, a long time ago, had just visited Hawaii and decided she wanted to move there. She was told that it was almost impossible to get work in Honolulu, but this woman refused to listen to the naysayers and popped off a bunch of resumes. She received at least 4 or 5 job offers and  moved to Hawaii.  She had so much faith in herself and her abilities her dream came true.

The place to start is by learning to love yourself. Look in a mirror and forgive yourself for all your faults. Then, as hard as it might be, write down all the positive things about yourself. Every little thing matters. Focus on the good things. Daily. Affirmations are great, as are meditations like the one below.

Some good affirmations to use:

I love and accept myself as I am
I love and respect myself
I accept myself completely
I am loved and lovable
I am a wonderful person
I am strong and capable
I am loving and kind
I can accomplish anything I set my mind to
I can accomplish anything through God's love

There are endless amounts of affirmations you can use, but remember to always state them in the affirmative, and as if they are already true.

Be the best person that you can be, and everything else will fall into place.

Change Your Attitude, Change Your Life

I received this a long time ago while it was making its email rounds. I'm not sure who wrote it, and whether it's based on an actual person, but it's wonderfully inspirational. It's all about choosing to see everything that happens to us in a positive light.

That's the amazing thing about life. We do have the power to make our lives good ones, regardless of our circumstances, and it all has to do with attitude.

We always have the choice to see the cup half full, or half empty. Make the right choice.

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!'

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, 'I don't get it!' 'You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?'

He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or...you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood.' Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or...I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested.

'Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.'

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, 'If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?' I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live.'

'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked.

He continued, '...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action.'

'What did you do?' I asked. 'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said John. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.'

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude...I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' Matthew 6:34

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Choose Your Words Wisely



I'm not sure people realize how their words can adversely affect others, especially a child. The vulnerable little minds of chilren can be either negatively or positively impacted by what we say to them. Positive words can encourage and help children thrive into adulthood. Negative words can sit there for the rest of their lives, influencing and affecting how they see themselves and their world, and ultimately how their life plays out. Some children are strong enough to rise above the onslaught of negative talk, but others will just succumb to it.  Tell a child he's stupid and, more often than not, that's what he becomes. Tell a child he can succeed and, more likely than not, he will.

I grew up during a time when 'reverse pyschology' was de rigeur. It worked for me because I was a willful, stubborn child (and young adult) and I wanted to prove people wrong. I remember my mother used to tell me I would never graduate from college, my university counselor told me the same thing- so to prove them wrong, I graduated from college- with honors. But for some, those words might have  prompted them to just give up.

Build up children by encouraging them, telling them how clever and talented they are, how they can accomplish anything they set their minds to. Tell them how much they are loved and appreciated. You will be doing them a great service.

How To Deal With Challenging People and Win Them Over

Inevitably, as we travel through life, we will encounter challenging people- be they family, friends, co-workers or strangers.  It's not easy dealing with someone with a difficult personality especially those who push our buttons, because they often turn us into people we don't like. But I love a challenge and have always looked at troublesome people and situations as a spiritual game of sorts: can I turn that person or situation from a negative to a positive. I don't think I've ever failed.

The first thing you have to do is set aside your pre-judgements and know that coming from a loving heart everything is possible. Most people will eventually react in a positive way if you are kind and loving, but it can take time to wear them down, and it does take effort on your part.  It's not easy to be unconditional when you are faced with hateful or disagreeable individuals, but the work will usually pay off in the end.

I remember working years ago as an actress for a murder mystery dinner theatre company at a restaurant where in addition to our acting duties we also served dinner.  We had to share the kitchen with the serving staff of the restaurant and they were not too happy to share the space.  At first, they were rude and unaccommodating, so I immediately made it my mission to win them over, and eventually did.  It was actually quite simple really, and cost me nothing more than a nightly, friendly 'hello, how are you'. They didn't really respond at first, and most people would have just given up, but this is where my love of a challenge came in:  I continued to engage them until they started to respond. I did this by going out of my way to say hello, commiserating with them about challenging customers, thanking them for sharing the space, and just being nice.  It worked, and made things a lot more pleasant. I did the same thing with some women in an office where I was temping.  After a while they were going out of their way to be nice to me.

There are other ways to diffuse negative people and situations without ever coming in contact with them. Affirmations and visualization are both great ways of changing things around.  You can do this by affirming harmony in all your relationships, or visualizing white light, or love, or whatever you find appropriate surrounding the person you are having trouble with. This has also worked for me on many occasions.

It really doesn't take much, just a little persistence and you can win over pretty much anyone. However, if for some reason they don't respond regardless of your efforts, then let go and detach, but refuse to stoop to their level of negativity.

Is It Time To Let Go Of Negative Friendships?

Someone had this posted on their FaceBook wall, and I thought it was rather appropriate considering it's the time of year for making resolutions and letting go. 

The new year gives us a wonderful opportunity to take stock of our lives and determine what is or isn't working.  Unless we are hermits living in a hut on some isolated mountain top, we all must deal with people, whether they're family, friends or co-workers.  We don't have the option to choose our family or the strangers we might encounter during our daily trek, but we definitely do have a choice who we keep as friends, and many of us have one or two that aren't really friends at all. You know the type, the ones who suck you dry mentally and emotionally, call only when they need something, always complaining or gossiping,  never ask how you are, spending the whole conversation talking about themselves?  Surrounding ourselves with negative people will only make us more negative, and being negative just draws more negativity into our lives.  If there's no way of helping that person become more positive, it might be time to let go.  That might be harder to do with family or co-workers, but we never have to remain in abusive, negative relationships, nor should we.

To determine if a relationship or friendship is having an adverse effect upon our lives, all we have to ask ourselves is- is that friendship making us into someone we don't like, rather than helping us become the best that we can be? If the answer is yes, then we're doing ourselves a major disservice, and it's definitely time to move on.

As the above quote says: surrounding ourselves with positive people that make us happy and laugh, will do wonders for not only your life, but the world in general.